🔒Sensory Sensitive

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The five senses of touch, taste, smell, sight, feel.
In my lifetime I have developed being extra sensitive to many things. Some are quite normal to many people.
As I have been writing I am piecing together the puzzle of who I am and perhaps why. In knowing I understand and can create or learn new coping skills. There are some things that just are.
Examples of sense plus an issue and maybe a why...;

~ taste, feel - I have texture problems..it often has nothing to do with the taste. I am unable to eat mashed potatoes, any condiments outside of cheese whiz or jam or maple syrup...no ketchup, mustard, relish, mayo, salad dressing,...no slice tomatoes, onion only finely grated (love the taste can't have the onion pieces) Food issues are big for me. I remember that I felt I could live on chicken noodle soups since being small..note..some foods don't irritate my bum issue area ..some were forced on me in cruel ways ( not my mother, I could wait her out at the table..lol..she didn't know why I was picky)

~smell - dirty smell..dirt laundry, sticky counters or floors..any cleanliness really bothers me...(when dad wasn't well this would be his living conditions..she never he was better he was almost ocd)
One set of people he lived with for many years were in filth. I went every weekend. I have many issues from that time. Those sensory things got intense.

~ sight - child abuse movies or pictures, flashing lights can set me off, movies  (I have my own constant head noise a movie seems to absorb me and I start to panic..I also cannot focus on anything else), certain older model vehicles, my old homes ( one from childhood..the other from my marriage)...this list goes on with similar items, bright light, too dark with no light...etc

~hear - loud ...as in too many different noises. Noise in head add each sound...voice..kitchen clinking, squeaky floors, footsteps, doors...
Likely heightened due to paranoia as well as internal head noise.

~feel - my hands are sensitive...I did soft tissue massage for many years I can feel very well. This also means I don't handle my hands dirty too. I am constantly washing...not ocd level but I carry wipes everywhere..I can't have dirty hands or face. I also am heat sensitive. (Being 45 means I have the hormone deal added to this..lol..). I can pass out. I  carry things to keep my temperature down. Hot can set off panic.
Feel is huge. It encompasses my crave for positive human touch. I am still figuring out why it is so strong it can make me cry..
My skin is greatly sensitive and manifests my stress.
I have also created many feel barriers of self protection. As a child I was tickled until I would pee myself..often. I am no longer ticklish. My body will not respond.
Feel. I  need real. When it comes to self satisfaction...often a no go...my body knows real and knows safe. If not present...I have the equivalent to "blue balls ". Not happy 😑

There are many more things.
It is hard to speak it all in one go.
Please keep reading.
Thanks. You rock!

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