5 Alive

For distraction I often turn to writing 'free-range & free -flow' poetry. A great U.K. mentor has once called me a wordsmith. I dream someday they will be published. Enjoy. 🙄 Cleansing rain Tears of gods Washing earth Tending life Feed on love Being alive ~A.R. Bright eyed beauty Legs longer than any song Whisps of hair falling Depth of heart Shining through Soul so free Let her be ~A.R. They say she writes Her darkness out Yet have not met Her inner light Words sing A prose of life Lived and left Felt by all ~A.R. She will not live Without air There is no breathe To take No pretending No fake A reality Journey Twisted Burning embers A night burnt away Candle both ends The center glow Is fading Sleep I beg Please take me Standing alone A rock in the middle Surrounded by rough sea No hold to have Slippery stone Hope for rescue Lost in the tides ~A.R. With dark Demons release Terrorized mind Ever spinning Running mind T

To those who disassociate...paticularly those who are "systems". Thank you for coming out of hiding. Many of you put self on the line. You advocate, vlog, blog, create dialogue, have chat, and open the doors for so many others who cannot speak. Many if you have become my/our friends. On twitter Amazon books Papers and e-papers Workers in the field of mental health Creating workshops Seminars Online group creators Support givers Ambassadors In schools On talks In books Writing Sharing Helping Caring In so many ways we are stronger together. Everyday I see the impact We are making. So...thank you for being real. 💗

As the sun fades I am dropped to my knees Breathing My last breaths Perhaps The ground Will comfort me It did not happen Out of the blue Trauma caused A body new Cope we did One plus four No more System love Protective lot Is us We are SPLIT Inside Outside Wind howls Mind numbing Noise Rain tumbles Teardrops Clearing stains Of yesterday ~A.R. You did not not hear me I tried to tell you Words unworthy You do not listen Fading into The background Tears unseenWrapped in dust Time left behind In light comes glitter A sparkle outside Shared experience That covers me ~A.R. Prey unaware Hidden wrath Waiting game The cat knows Free bird sings Lullabye His goodbye Pouncing Caught He is In the brambles Bird sings Lies...mute me I go inside Myself Hiding A reality Distorted Confusion Avoid Fear in Place Heartbeats count Time travels Mind in distances Places I know Hoping for experience Desired hope ~A.R.

God had no forgiveness when he cast Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden. He brought shame upon them. Why give us the varied emotions if you did not intend for us to feel them. A set up to fail and feel.

I am on a new journey. One I wish for no one. It has taken my mind..my body..my whole being to places and feelings I have never experienced. I know terror. External. Inflicted. This no. Cancer. In me. On me. Cuts. Repeated. Pre cancer on to cancer. I do not know anything. It is all new. It is me. "Good luck" "Stay positive" "You can do it" "You will be ok"... I know all is well meant and has truth. Today has been terrible. Mental illness added has compounded what turmoil I am in. Shock still there. 'I can't believe this is happening' just hits me. Is this hell never ending? Breathe. Today is all I can do. Oncology one week and a day after surgery. The unknown abyys. Terrified.