Keep Going👣

-

Today the sky is cloudy...Like my mind.
Changes are happening and I feel overwhelmed and confused and honestly have been terrified to the point I am now numb.
My health is in uproar and limbo as I wait for specialists to decide my treatment for Anal Cancer. Ugh! I hate even the words.
It feels like another Badge I wear that no one sees. If Life awarded badges...well I have my fair share.
I am worn. Tired of battling. There are days I can't find my smile. I am learning to take in the little things. Like watching birds.
I continue to force feed myself through whatever is wrong with my stomach. Still waiting for new gastroenterologist. Pain just takes me down.
Am I depressed? Anxious? Scared? Sad?
It is so long now...be 3 years July..I have it all mixing daily. Today. I feel..full.  A numbness.
Tears won't flow
I am not panicking
I am hardly here.
Night after night I disassociate. An alter stays up! Lack of sleep...understatement.
So vent. This. Blog to you.
No pity. It is about the struggle.
Each of us is unique, and so are our battles.
But sharpen your sword. We don't fight alone unless we chose to.
Not one of is is the same. Our journeys meant to be different. This is how we learn. From each other.
Today. Know this. You can keep going even if standing in one spot for a bit.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Beautiful Flaws

-
Far far from perfect.  I am made up of so many characteristics. As we have maneuvered this life we know we are also a collection of flaws. Beautiful flaws as they've made me who I am.  With PTSD and D.I.D,  and just being human I've made mistakes.  I have some limitations.  Anxiety plays on me. I cannot be or do what many people can. It's a difficult path. With that does come the side of compassion and understanding of others. I can be soft and sensitive.  Empathy and kindness have grown with my awareness of these feelings and obstructions.  I can be misinterpreted as being controlling when I am just trying to protect myself with boundaries.  Flaws like shortness and impatience. I know I have these.  I have needs you cannot see or understand.  My needs seem unreasonable to you. It's me. Yes.  My ground feels unstable and I can be pushed to a place where my mind state will alter. I Switch persons inside. You cannot understand unless you've educated yourself about me.
Read more

Home

-
Image
In part the definition being the house, apartment, etc. where you live, especially with your family.  I am a family of one body. My mother is in a Retirement Home across town. My aging siblings have families of their own. They are not close in proximity. And we are not in big contact with each other.  For me I had the home I grew up in. The one from 4 to 21. I was married and made a home. Close to my parents. I could make a safe place. I was there even after my marriage dissolved.  When my house was sold, I went back to my parents.  I had a boyfriend and spent usually a few days a week there. But that didn't last. I was safe at home. As my parents were aging and things were going to change I got an affordable apartment.  I've been here 3 years.  In that time I've lost my uncle, his safe cottage that I could go to, I lost my pops/dad, the family home was sold, and my mother's in a Home.  Too much. I really feel displaced.   I haven't been able to make this apartment
Read more

Create Support Network

-
Support is needed in life for everyone. Alone is not easy nor practical. The saying ' No man is an island." is a life truth that we survive together.  In times of Social Distancing, with a Pandemic, this can be exremely hard. Services and groups have gone virtual or have just gone completely.  The human mind can only tolerate a certain amount of radical changes and restrictions. Many have had their lives greatly impacted. Financially, iob changes or loss, loss of family and friends to the virus, having to move, strains in relationships, and so forth.  As a society we have angst about what life is to come next as the virus continues in waves.  It is now we are in crucial need of mental health care. We need people with new coping skills. Depression, Anxiety and other illnesses on the rise. As is the number of suicides increasing.  As individuals this is a great time to learn to build your support network.  Determine first what you may need. Examples; -Friends for emotion talk a)
Read more