Why a Time Out?

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I woke in tears. Days of this were wearing on me. I felt vulnerable, stuck, alone and afraid. Depression had me. I wanted out. No more.

It was not the first time feeling suicidal. I spent 14 days on the psychiatric ward last fall.

How does one get to this point?

When did the light to fight go out?

Everyone is different.
Our differences in coping tools, life experiences, ability of the mind may be impaired by mental illness.

Why does not much matter.

The solutions can be illusive. Some places have no help available. Some specific illnesses take more time and assistance.

When I hit this place of doom I am instinctually wanting to hide. I lose ability to communicate for me. Like many others, sharing has been silenced or unsafe.
Secrets and masks are held. We cover ourselves.

I have found a wonderful set of people on twitter. I have become distant friends with many. I put out the message for help.
The response was overwhelming. I could feel the caring and kindness of so many. I felt loved.

I also did not feel worthy of it. My message box was getting busy. I had no words to share. Stuck.

I got in touch with my psychiatrist. I was given medication adjustment. A plan of self care put in place.

Time out. I am in time out.

It is work. Looking at self. Learning acceptance. Working on staying in today.
It is time to build my own strength back up.

I have to heal, grow and replenish.

I am still here.

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