5 Alive

I like to use different reminders to help myself stay in today and know my truths in my life. Repetition to break negativity that likes to creep into my mind. It gets so easy to beat myself up. Being kind and positive is quite hard. Mantras/Affirming Thoughts I use a string of wood beads to just use tracking for my mind to stay saying one word or phrase over and over Some examples I am strong Calm Breathe I am loved I can do this No fear I am capable Each day is different Not ok is ok Do what I can...little wins count I am not broken I am not a burden It is ok to feel my feelings For distraction I may just count the beads. I find the calm when I am practicing this tool.

When having to have a check up there are certain parts of my body that I (as a survivor of sexual abuse) have difficulty getting through being prodded at. Now having anal cancer it is a different doctor checkin my 'junk' out regularly. As a child I was sodomized. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder that is a coping mechanism that developed out of multiple traumas. I have come leaps in terms of my mental health and dealing healing with PTSD and DID. I still have triggers that can set off flashbacks. Having a full anal exam is one of them. Anal Cancer. 6 years Multiple surgeries. Lots of doctors, nurses, interns, etc. getting a look at me. I have had great ones who truly care. I have had others that I am just a body. I have had ones that honestly have taken time to know me and are compassionate and patient. If you are reading this and have DID, or even were abused as I was, you may understand the 'aftermath' iin spinning mind after an exam. The anxiety runne