TW - 'Parts' Check 🔒

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When having to have a check up there are certain parts of my body that I (as a survivor of sexual abuse) have difficulty getting through being prodded at.

Now having anal cancer it is a different doctor checkin my 'junk' out regularly.

As a child I was sodomized.
I have Dissociative Identity Disorder that is a coping mechanism that developed out of multiple traumas. I have come leaps in terms of my mental health and dealing healing with PTSD and DID. I still have triggers that can set off flashbacks. Having a full anal exam is one of them.

Anal Cancer.

6 years

Multiple surgeries.

Lots of doctors, nurses, interns, etc. getting a look at me.

I have had great ones who truly care.
I have had others that I am just a body.
I have had ones that honestly have taken time to know me and are compassionate and patient.

If you are reading this and have DID, or even were abused as I was, you may understand the 'aftermath' iin spinning mind after an exam.

The anxiety runneth amuck. I am near tears. I work to contain it. I try to settle in now. Just the moment.

In the end exhaustion will take over and sleep will reset perhaps.
A little time break helps.

For me I know it will be ongoing regularly.
Strength holds me.

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