The Eve

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A New Year. The end of 2021 comes. It is with mixed feelings for myself. Perhaps it was that question from that self help App?
What were 5 achievements you accomplished this last year? 
I couldn't answer.
My mind swirls in the disarray of events this past year. When was it good? I know it has to have had those days and moments....
Fogged by the long days from that May day my sdad, pa, Papa Don fell and went into hospital care. 
Painful memories mixed with some blessed moments with him in his last months. 
His passing has been almost 4 months now. Hard months for anyone grieving. I have struggled. 
Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder is trying on the best of days. When 'we' are working as a 'team' there is more self presence for Me. I don't miss as much time in large chunks. 
Grieving as 5. Myself and 'alters' who are not all feeling or remembering the same with sdad history and connection. Though it is that we all had very strong love for him. He loss is a depth of feel that is going to take time and help to get to a better place. 
Help. We have made a great connection with a D.I.D. aware counsellor. Thus All 5 can get help with levels of grief. 
This Eve we think back. We try to see forward. 
Not easy.

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