5 Alive

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, dissociative and trauma disorders information http://traumadissociation.com/

I have this sad feeling with me like a rock dragging on my heart...some days it is a pebble and somedays I cannot move because of its weight. On days like this I work harder at sharing a smile or good words with others. It doesn't make the rock crumble away..it does lighten it's weight. Love, smiles and kindness lift myself up. 🙄

I have been suffering undiagnosed abdominal plus back pain.trying to eat not going too good. ER trip just tells me off to Gastroenterologist Speck...I am in line...wait Suffer and wait Tonight I  have pain down to  a 7/10 and that is the best I have been in days. Months of tummy trouble. Self care is most important now.

Was at emergency yesterday..am afraid of hospital. I  switched there and Wee was out. Thank you papa for being there. No results. In line for Gastrointestinal Specialist. So much fun...

They used to call it Multiple Personality Disorder.  It is Dissassocative Identify Disorder today. Often goes hand in hand with trauma Posts Traumatic Stress Disorder. It happens as a defense mechanism. A blocking of memory...internalized...taken to a place where your brain can process. In time when it is early trauma the self will attempt to make sense of what it sees not understand..cannot handle. The self can become fragmented.  Over time these fragments of defense get stronger.  Particularly if we are unable to find new coping skills to help deter. I have fragments. All me. All protection.  They feel..they think...over time have improved their strength and division of being true selves.

I had forgotten about this wonderful man. Early in my life he was a special light. I did not see him often. He was elderly. Mr. "W" has long left this world but when he was here he touched mine. Kind eyes...always had candies in his pockets. His wife was gone, children grown..he liked to just have tea and visit. Loved to watch us kids play. I never understood that. He was just plain love. He had time and never chastised us. Actually encouraged us to explore his yard and play. Sit out with our parent and have tea.. Crazy right?!? Something wrong. I think he was almost..normal.

Over and over I died Inside My ashes Fresh For life To bloom Mine #mywords