5 Alive

I was 19 when I laid eyes on him.  I was on at date and hitting the Dry AA club afterwards. I was in Al-Anon and this was a safe haven.  The date had no connection. To the side there were pool tables. Someone was new! Cute too.... I would see him in passing several times. Open meetings were a regular thing for me in those days. I had friends and a few good groups I went to meetings.   I was mending from a nervous breakdown (a story for another blog). My biological father was an alcoholic and it left its mark on me. I was where I needed and had a fabulous Sponsor.  The guy was sneaking peaks. What a smile he had!  They were obviously having fun. He was with AA men so I knew he was in the program. Getting sober and staying so was not a simple process.   Most knew me. I was a regular at the club. After meetings and drop ins were keeping me on track. I was strong. Stronger than I had ever been.   I knew this date was a bust. Letting this guy...

I dance among the days of past in fragments of me that came in order to survive. Trauma was amiss. Young mind blown apart to cope.  They call it Dissociative Identity Disorder.  They don't call it Multiple Personality Disorder anymore.  We are like a tree.  Branched off from one trunk.  Some tist and twine to support. Some are small but mighty. Some draw more energy than others. Some are well cloaked in leaves. Some are more bare with heart open. Some gnarly but growing stronger. Each day working for the good of the whole. One trunk to keep alive so all can be. One tree of branched love.

I may not be where I wish in life but I am where I am on my path. It is a journey like we all face. I wear my Grey's and wrinkles with some pride at having earned every one. I take along my side the love and kindness of others.  I use my lessons as guides for my future.  Finding peace in moments. Accepting self. Giving back.  Be you