5 Alive

Please take note i am writing this in a spinning emotional space. This may be quite disjointed as a blog.  It has been a long hard battle to get to a state of some cohesion, with having alter persons, in my fragmented mind. (Read about D.I.D) Years of work. Painful therapy. Inner work that left me/us drained. One body, 5 persons, to have one lead and one focus... Fuck I am mad. There is a big anger. A big hurt.  Sorry but i got Stung by a new group of '"?'card friends'.  It is hard to explain as i went with a 'safe' friend.   This group had drama and things I did not know and I got caught in a 'drama game' that was at my expense.  It was an underhanded attack on my mental health.  Apparently when i confronted my friend about what was said and she explained that it was more a dig at her to say I should think badly of her. That it was to create a rift.  It really hurts because I am trying so hard to be living Real in places I make safe....

It is going way too fast for the slow parts.  Life. Mine.  The affect of others.  I love and I hurt. Life is really like an ongoing series of trials at times.  Experiences.  Some bring joy and feelings of positivity. Others hit like a 2× 4.  If you ride with me expect a harsh mix. Come prepared because it has been grueling.  A bumpy ride.  How do I manage? It is like juggling right now.  Dissociative.  Disjointed.  Frazzled.  I've been all over te emotional gambut.  Things will settle some. Good therapy has helped. Pushing forward has been an internal fight. Keep going. Bring your sword. Wear the gear. Bring your helmet!!