The Stinging

Please take note i am writing this in a spinning emotional space. This may be quite disjointed as a blog. 

It has been a long hard battle to get to a state of some cohesion, with having alter persons, in my fragmented mind. (Read about D.I.D)

Years of work. Painful therapy. Inner work that left me/us drained. One body, 5 persons, to have one lead and one focus...

Fuck I am mad. There is a big anger. A big hurt. 

Sorry but i got Stung by a new group of '"?'card friends'. 

It is hard to explain as i went with a 'safe' friend.  

This group had drama and things I did not know and I got caught in a 'drama game' that was at my expense. 

It was an underhanded attack on my mental health. 

Apparently when i confronted my friend about what was said and she explained that it was more a dig at her to say I should think badly of her. That it was to create a rift. 

It really hurts because I am trying so hard to be living Real in places I make safe. 

I have made so much progress and change. 

In this situation i found myself myself being 'accepted' to my face but treating me as a sicko behind my back. 

Then only to put out an offhand remark directed at me. 

Like it was a joke. 

The underhanded cruelty of stigmas underbelly was exposed. 

I shut myself down.  

I focused on getting through.  

I needed to think but I was staying with my friend for the night. 

I was still an hour from home. 

So tired of the BS I was skipping time and I don't remember eating or much of the night. 

I know my sleep was awful.  

What does one do? My chest was tight. I needed to tell my friend what was said. My anger my hurt...

She tried to explain.  

I don't get it. I feel angry with those people.  

I want to harshly educate them. 

I am feeling a small fissure with my friendship that I have with my friend.

  

I know that it needs addressed. I am just not sure how.