No Sleep

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Keep pushing along.

No sleep though.

No sleep.

I have not been sleeping at night for quite some time. Unless I am away an alter will come out and be up all night.
I live in an apartment in my 'growing up' home.
There are many triggers as just being 'home' takes me back to lots of memories of all kinds. It would for anyone.
A particle set of memories create night fear.

Lots has changed since I was here full time last. I left when I got married just before my 22nd birthday. That was 26 years ago now.
I have lived here 7 years. The last 6 have been most difficult. As time passes it gets worse.

No sleep.

I go back to bed after being up early morn. I am sure the body had less than an hour by then. So snooze again for 2. Then I am up but dragging my butt with heavy eyelids. I just want to sleep.
I am on a new medication for pain I have been having in my hips and pelvis. Gabapentin. It also has a side effect of drowsiness. Hear hear I say! Awesome. Just let me sleep...

I stay up until I need to nap. I close my eyes but really don't sleep. I am thinking of the things I should be doing. Oh, so many things.

No sleep.

Up again. I try to accomplish even one task. My apartment is a disaster.
I am up on housing (geared to income) list. Yes...I have been waiting since that notice for over a year. Thus, I am half packed. Things are in total disarray.
Recently, having hosted a Mental Health Event, I had 15 boxes in my area that I moved my things around to make room for. Those are now gone but I have to pack the rest of my own things so I have not cleared those filled spaces. A small square of counter space remains unused.

No sleep.

I have dinner and find myself in front of the tv. I try to do something. Read or draw. I play with my dog. He is ready for sleep.
As the days get colder we feel the nesting coming on. We have had snow already.
I stay awake as long as I can.
I am not sure how much I get.
The cycle of the body being back up continues.

Dissasociative Identity can be very frustrating when a part of that system won't agree to sleep.

Nope.
No sleep.

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