5 Alive

Go ahead and ask. If you want to know you need to ask. Are you curious? Are you wanting to learn? This is how we know is to ask. Ask the source if you can. Reliable answers help. Questions are good. Do not expect an answer or an snswer you like. That is reality. Open your mind some. Ask. You will be amazed at what you could learn.

Daylight hit Eyes open Fresh start Moments To enjoy Breathe in ~A.R.* Wiggley possum I see you there They call you ugly Yet I love your hair Four come to my yard Safe to feed Watch the wild Feeling lucky Seeing life ~A.R.* Oh Mr. Racoon Why do you come? It is daylight out You son of a gun Get down the ditch Where you are safe Waddle away Fat bottom boy Eat tonight When people sleep ~A.R.* When you are just out. Out of words Out of energy Out of touch Out of patience Out of will. Think.. What do I need? ~A.R.* Peaceful tears Let go Lost time Fake world You lived Mask on Now free Release it Calm self Find sleep ~A.R. Shattered heart Pieces strewn Puzzled love Lost without Coming together Mended self Beating pulse Patched Yet giving Life ~A.R.* Slowly tread Like a thief Quiet steps Stealth body Toward light Thin crack To see Pulse roars In my head Get out Right now Find safe Door open Flooding tears Relief gasp Air ...

Tree add water Sea monkeys plus water Drops Grow Harden dormant  but still there Grow Some don't grow A bit of a defect....they are still there. Duds. They were supposed to expand! In childhood that was disappointment. Learned early not to expect. It wasn't only sea monkeys. Honestly they were the least of my worries.

Dysfunctional families exist everywhere. We do what we know until we learn differently. Ignorance, silence, secrets, sarcasm, judgement, shame..they continue in my life. Secrets are the Elephants we try desperately to hide. Silence. No communication. We don't speak of things in fear... Of what? It is a terrible feeling. This closet is suffocating. The pressure to not Be is too much. All of me screams to run away. There is no place to go today. Safe is relevant. Situation stuck. No fix in sight. Damn you Elephant.

Horrendous to have any medical bills as a tax payer all my life. A Canadian. Beyond the money the costs are high emotionally and physically. I have anal cancer. No quick fix. Cut it out til we can't. I have been fighting for years now. No advocate. Blindly going along. Mistakes being made. Going from doctor to doctor. I often feel like a guinea pig. My physical pain is a constant. Thrre is nerve damage, plus whatever is going on that I have an appointment to see the specialist in January about. I expect to be booking surgery as that seems to be its pattern. I have a little dog. My Therapy dog. He has to have dental surgery. This is more financial stress. Sometimes life does give you more than you can handle. Somehow I have always made it through. I will again.