Sexuality ( Cptsd, Cancer )

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Now here is a topic many who have been abused have great difficulty with. Myself included.
As a survivor I can be triggered. It takes time to learn boundaries..and to set them for myself. It takes some guiding the partner to understand what is ok for me and what is not.
Unhealthy sexuality has been part of what I knew. I can still slide back to not setting boundaries and allowing myself to be hurt. I do pay later for I have learned to shame myself.
Learning to stay with healthy boundaries is difficult. I believe only those that have been through sexual trauma understand the mindframe.
Some don't like to be touched in any way. I am opposite in that I crave loving touch. Hugs and cuddles. I have unhealthly dispersed my boundaries out of desperate need for that alone. That is me.
My body is something I have come to appreciate. With sickness (abdominal issues and ongoing cancer) perspective changed. I have a body. I still have my hair. My weight is low but holds. I am lucky in many ways.
I appreciate that I am here. Am I wanted sexually? I have no clue. I don't get out enough. Anxiety issues. Not feeling well.
I question my value. Long term who'd want this mess? I know. What a question... I would tell another Of course..you are not your ptsd not your anxiety or depression or cancer...
For myself...struggling hard to believe.

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