Oh my...yep

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Been a string of grey and tough days. 
Lots of just life and maneuvering all unfamiliar territory. 
Part, the move, and the continued work shifting things in the building. New elevators and windows is hectic and noisy. 
Part is a feeling of deja vu from long ago married days. 
So 'we' have some confusion and that has led to panic and panic hooking flashbacks. We have medication to try to cope.
I have gotten pretty housebound. Not doing peopling. 
The hardest is my calling and visiting folks. Particularly my step father...he is in mind decline very fast and I really am not coping. 
As a system we are all over. 
We just haven't been coping with life. 
I have been hit and miss with any communication. 
My anxiety is out of control. 
Stress is really high. 
Too many things. 
Mostly around my parents. 
My step father has been my rock. There is also now age released secrets that thry both share...I feel confused about the history. 
My paternity in question...
I have decided to secretly do paternity testing. I feel a lot of turmoil and not sure which way to go. Know or not. ?
Sporatically felting, drawing and writing. 
Trying to settle in here has not been going too well but I am not sure if other stress does not make it harder. 
Anyhow...as you may see...scattered in thoughts. 


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