Moving day 1975

Today I woke in a dead fog. I am never sure what to expect. Day to day I never know. Since I moved home the alters have become more active. Perhaps that is the security this house represents. ..the house we fled to from my schizophrenic father. I was only 4. The summer before my fifth birthday and the start of kindergarten.
I can remember fragments of that day and some about the original family home. Much else is seemingly gone. But that day is clear in my mind.
The curtains seemed to be billowing in the front window. People were pulling in our driveway. Not many but enough to grab what could be. My dad was at a soccer tournament. Away. Little did I know at that age that my mother had planned to escape for a year. Setting up a safe place with beds and basics. 4 Children, including me. We were 4, 9, 14 and 15. And craziness had grown in our lives. Mom couldn't make dad get help and in those days a beating is the only thanks she got. Even her family treated her as though she "had made her bed and would damn well lay in it". Others knew the risks. A deteriorating man who was not well and hurting his family. Many didn't know or looked away.
The day we left I felt a fear so deep within me I am sure it was the beginning of my life  struggles. They had taken us young kids to friends and hid us in the basement. ..everyone afraid but trying to act normal. I have no idea where my mom is. I know these people but the men have gone to help my mother. What if he came back? What if he figured it out what mom planned? Taking away his four kids, his dog, his stuff, his WIFE. There was frantic panic around me. After that is blank.
I have many blanks. Throughout my years. I have blanks today. Sometimes I feel it and sometimes I don't.
Alters have sense of humour so today's laugh was multi coloured toenails. Welcome to summer. Alters have agendas too. I  guess one wants us beach ready. 😉 I am learning to laugh.