Feeling Resentment

I seem to be in a really crappy cycle. 

I am having lots of nightmares.

Flashbacks in the day.

My life feels a mess and so out of control.

This gives me the mads. 

I start the blame game. 

All those who have wronged me and how. 

I yell at them in my head.

How could you???

I feel like I have been left holding many heavy shit bags. 

I am overloaded but can't get them off me. 

Tied to a past I didn't ask for. 

Remembers times when smiles outweighed tears. 

Gone. Long ago.

You

And you

And that

And them

Useless blame. 

I have anger and resentment that I let go of...get into a better place in my mind...forgive sort of...then it comes back. I take it back. 

I am feeling vulnerable. 

I feel very alone in adulting and worry about aging alone. 

I feel poor. 

In pocket and today a pity poor me. 

Today my pot is either overflowing or empty. 

I am not sure.