Feeling Resentment

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I seem to be in a really crappy cycle. 

I am having lots of nightmares.
Flashbacks in the day.
My life feels a mess and so out of control.

This gives me the mads. 

I start the blame game. 
All those who have wronged me and how. 
I yell at them in my head.

How could you???

I feel like I have been left holding many heavy shit bags. 
I am overloaded but can't get them off me. 

Tied to a past I didn't ask for. 

Remembers times when smiles outweighed tears. 

Gone. Long ago.

You
And you
And that
And them

Useless blame. 

I have anger and resentment that I let go of...get into a better place in my mind...forgive sort of...then it comes back. I take it back. 

I am feeling vulnerable. 

I feel very alone in adulting and worry about aging alone. 

I feel poor. 
In pocket and today a pity poor me. 

Today my pot is either overflowing or empty. 
I am not sure. 

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