A Mother

Early in my marriage I had a miscarriage but had no idea other than it left scarring. It was picked up somewhere down the line. 

When I was 35 I got pretty sick. My menstrual cycle had no cycle. I was having issues daily. 

I got pregnant in the November. 

I had no idea. 

After 3 yrs together he moved on before Christmas

I was sick but mending when the morning sickness started. I was back to work. Mornings slugging boxes and doing maintenance work. 

One shift the abdominal pain was too much and I went to the ER. That day I found out I was likely just shy of three months. The baby appeared to not be forming corectly. 

I left there stunned. Make a decision. 

My doctor was pro life. Cripes, I was raised Catholic. They wouldn't give me the abort clinic number. 

I found it. 

I told the guy. He was well moving on. 

I was really not well myself never mind raise an unwell baby or carry til it aborts itself. 

I got a friend, who knew how to keep her mouth shut, to take me. 

You need no detail to know that this was horrific and traumatic and just sad. 

I was 3 months pregnant to the day by my count. 

It was long ago now but it is a haunting thing that lingers from my past. Itcwas a boy and he would be 15 this August. 

Today is Mother's Day in Canada. 

For those that have kids I both wish you luck and tell you to celebrate even the trying times. They are an extension of you. So lead them gently but firm. Guide with light. 

Enjoy!

I will breathe a lot. I will distract. I will have a cry. 

It will be ok.