Needing a Break

It has been hard to write. There are many complicated issues happening all together. 

Overwhelmed is not strong enough a word. Nor is turmoil. 

These things do not come with handbooks. 

Over my lifetime I have experienced , seen or heard some of the most unusual for a normal lifetime. 

Some not by choice and some by choice. There have been times 'this body' (could be any one of us) has lived outside the lifebox. We want to experience it. Most of those were fun and hold good memories. 

Memories of good times seem to end. 

I have been under a year in an apartment in town. That has been a big adjustment. Lots is just not familiar or comfortable yet. I have been home and isolated, fear about losing my step father (my rock) runs rampant. He has fast progressing alzheimers and the doctors fear cancer as well. 

Fear about what is happening with my own body due to a battle with Anal Cancer is high. I have been at this 'game' with doctors for too long. With Covid appointments were bumped. I awaits tests with a new surgeon. Yes...another new doctor. I really am tired of pass the butt-on. Literally. 

I figure at this rate it will be next year before anything happens treatment wise. And it could be small or big. No clue. 

Today was therapy by phone. I was in a hundred directions. We covered a lot of painful ground. I feel drained all around. Tonight I take a mind break I hope. 

For now breaks are what I need to take.