5 Alive

Hungry Angry Lonely Tired When any of these at play in my life I remember....decisions and change not to be made. My judgement will be off Need will overcome logic And fear plays in. Is time to just maintain Self care HALT

I am in uncharted territory. Learning more about  myself. My health both mental and physical. Today did not start off good. Mentally. Physically I have been suffering terrible 10 out of 10 abdominal pain on waking...solid food aggravates and I am on path of mending. Sometimes I push too hard or too fast. This is true mentally as well. I have been writing. Sharing. Hashing out who I have become...my role in life and my message. I touched love. I am not good at. Today I am in funk. Shutting down Feeling cold through and through. I am lost again. Distressed Alone Funk

There is a condition..a label for this called Racing Thought Syndrome. Wikipedia has great information...about how it often goes hand in hand with many mental illnesses. Basically the mind is random busy with jumping thoughts that seemingly are endless. Is a maddening process to attempt to slow. Lots of ideas but each person is different in water helps calm that busy brain. . No shut off Creates inability to concentrate or focus at times Dominant feeling of not finishing thought or idea or plan as jumping constant. For me add inner noise. An ongoing sound like being outside an auditorium with much going on and I hear from outside... Sometimes a baby crying in the distance. I am.. Information sponge Racing Inability to sleep Overload Picture memory I have... 'Panel in the head' Negative self talk learned in childhood. Standards morals expectations judgement In self Spinning My solutions are; Headphones..either for quiet or for distracting music Do art or w...

This life is a journey for every breathing being. Mine is not unique. Perhaps it is to some. I  know there are many other abuse victims just like me that are in the thousands and thousands worldwide. My diagnosis according to the DSM....blah blah blah. It doesn't matter. I warrior against PTSD  (mine stems from multiple abuses in childhood, not warfare related), thus I also have Disassociation  (high grade as I have formed alters as a defense mechanism), anxiety and depression. The journey of healing and acceptance and learning is ongoing. When does it end? I have had this question in my mind at times. I have heard others pose it? My answer is...never. Ihave learned that it changes. I have won some and some I continue to learn as I battle. I got over many hurdles...example...my Sexuality.  It took many years to feel clean. I wanted love and had a twisted sense of how to get it. I had a great sense of doing but no clue about Being. I came from fear. Trust took ti...

The majority of the world population is touched by mental illness in some way at some point in their lives. Some as family and friends of those who battle. Some with hereditary factors, some chemical imbalance, many through lack of proper tools for coping in certain environments or exposure to situations that are abnormal..no one choses. The brain is like a huge computer. Anatomy of the brain is complex is still unexplained in many ways. Across the planet their are suffers in hiding, shunned, greatly misunderstood, not treated and some face total unacceptance or even death. Mental health care worldwide is an issue we must warrior for. A defense mechanism the body has or creates must be accepted and understood. More awareness and research and treatment required. I want you to know that for me.. Having complex PTSD and DID formerly known as multiple personality disorder has been a long and painful journey. I will be 46 soon and am still learning about myself, self care and treatment...