Eggnog Blues

-

It is a really cold and loooonnnely night in December. Freezing temperatures that chill to the bone.
Memories flood this time of year. Winters long ago now. Times with a partner planning the holidays. A home to decorate. Places to go. Christmas gatherings. Friends. Fun. Food. Laughter.

Here I sit alone.
Silence is my partner.
Quietly stoic.
A wall.
Numb and cold.
Does Silence listen to me?

Many experience sadness, anxiety, depression etc this time of year. With that lots of reasons. Sun deprivation. Sleeplessness. Money worries. Job problems. Family or lack of family issues...

Nothing is festively bright if we aren't feeling a happiness within. Our coping becomes difficult. Many of us would like to skip it altogether.

This is, afterall, the season of sharing love and joy with family and friends.
Traditions. Festivity.
The lights and shìmmer. Love and beauty.

Hmmm...fruitcake and eggnog.
Bahhh Eggnog.

Not this day. No spirit in this night.
Maybe tomorrow....

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Being Real

-
There are many challenges in life. We don't get to pick many things we experience. Coming from a background of many abuses and abusers PTSD, anxiety, depression and Disocciative Identity Disorder developed. After many many moons I have done the majority of the trauma work needed to have my system of alters work more congruently. Far from perfect but more managable. I feel as integrated as possible at this time and am now focusing on my physical health and coping. I was diagnosed with Anal Cancer in 2014. It is slow progression and difficult to treat. Many surgeries to try to keep my sphyncter intact. Avoiding radiation and chemo as long as possible. I know it is there. I know it is growing. Time. Who knows what is to come. Another invisible illness that cannot be seen. "You look great" "You are so strong" "You are going to be ok." I know you cannot see my innards twist or my mind spin. I share my story so others know I too understand how it
Read more

#ThisIsWhatAnxietyFeelsLike

-
Heart in your throat. Tears leak. The drop is quick. Racing heart. Gonna be ill. Sweat clad. Terror me. Alone me. For me...add shakes...inside tremors..disassociating with or without flashbacks. These can mimic some seizure like behavior and self harm (ie; scratch self, body bowing backward, breath holding, squeeling....) Fear is powerful. Fear unknown set off worse. Panic is evil. I am learning self care tools. More! In anxiety that grows I often forget how to use them.
Read more

Broken wing

-
Wounded bird One winged You cannot fly Some think Why don't you die.. What use are you.. What can you do.. It healed some yes Still not just right I see you bird We fight a broken fight One winged perhaps A change to life Adapt to cope We do in strife You never know My feathered friend In time we may find A fix to mend ~A.R.*
Read more