@crazyasscancer

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@crazyasscancer 
That was her handle on Twitter. 

She was a stage 4 Anal Cancer warrior

. 
2016 Being myself stage 0-1 I had started to look for others with same cancer. 
There was little information about it and it was then quite embarrasing for me to talk about. 

I found @abumrap first on twitter and from there found two others. 

One passed that first year. 

Michelle was still fighting and out sharing, educating and writing a book. 

We talked on several occassions. She was kind and inspiring. 

She had a family she was proud of. She foughy for long term palliative care for cancer patients. 

She living her life the best she could

She passed on June 10th. 

I had known she was in for a lung biopsy months ago but there had been no talk of it since. 

I am still in shock she has gone. Her battle complete. 

I mourn for her, her family and life friends. 
For me I mourn her as well as turn to my own anal cancer.


I am in the middle of testing. 
I have been 8 years doing the rounds of resectioning and safe margins. 
I am my own advocate for there are few specialists and less available tests and treatments where I am. 

Currently the growth my medical people are looking at sits directly on my sphyncter. 
Discomfort and pain. 
Over time these things grow. 
With a pandemic on this makes getting to see anyone take more time. 
I am worried. 
I am scared. 

I am also preparing for the possibilities. 
It is my body. My choices at some point as well. I question about pushing without anything done for a period. The mind spins.

It is a very nasty cancer..as all cancers are. 

For me it is worse with my background pertaining to mental health issues that this location of cancer is extra brutal. Childhood abuse makes just looking there difficult. 
(No YOU drop your pants!) 
(You didn't even buy me dinner.....😂☆)
The struggle with this illness is real. 
Michelle's body was on a different route and metasticizing her cancer.
Mine has remained in the anal cavity. 

2020. I will contine the battles. 

Michelle is the star that watches over now. 

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