I cannot
It is too much
Being me
Helping you
You keep me pinned
Yet do not try
Being you
A price
I stay
You guilt
I buy
No more
Wings spread
I soar
Goodbye
My evil friend
GUILT
~A.R.
Far far from perfect. I am made up of so many characteristics. As we have maneuvered this life we know we are also a collection of flaws. Beautiful flaws as they've made me who I am. With PTSD and D.I.D, and just being human I've made mistakes. I have some limitations. Anxiety plays on me. I cannot be or do what many people can. It's a difficult path. With that does come the side of compassion and understanding of others. I can be soft and sensitive. Empathy and kindness have grown with my awareness of these feelings and obstructions. I can be misinterpreted as being controlling when I am just trying to protect myself with boundaries. Flaws like shortness and impatience. I know I have these. I have needs you cannot see or understand. My needs seem unreasonable to you. It's me. Yes. My ground feels unstable and I can be pushed to a place where my mind state will alter. I Switch persons inside. You cannot understand unless you've educated yourself about me.
Support is needed in life for everyone. Alone is not easy nor practical. The saying ' No man is an island." is a life truth that we survive together. In times of Social Distancing, with a Pandemic, this can be exremely hard. Services and groups have gone virtual or have just gone completely. The human mind can only tolerate a certain amount of radical changes and restrictions. Many have had their lives greatly impacted. Financially, iob changes or loss, loss of family and friends to the virus, having to move, strains in relationships, and so forth. As a society we have angst about what life is to come next as the virus continues in waves. It is now we are in crucial need of mental health care. We need people with new coping skills. Depression, Anxiety and other illnesses on the rise. As is the number of suicides increasing. As individuals this is a great time to learn to build your support network. Determine first what you may need. Examples; -Friends for emotion talk a)
There are trials, impediments, limitations, many blocks and walls in life. Everyone faces them. Each person has different coping skills and ways to manage. Some are things that cannot be maneuvered. The wall is just there. I have a variety of life limitations. Some I manage, cope or are blocks. For me having moments of dissociation or full split away of personality D.I.D (and severe anxiety disorder) I am leary of meeting new people, or going where I may struggle with anxiety and be misunderstood. I don't go far, and I am always in a struggle if it's unfamiliar. I get obscene fear. I feel ill. I get ill. It's awful when I can't control the feelings. I feel disheartened, sad, and embarrassed. I cannot be or do what many can. I can turn inwardly angry with myself. I can be my worst, harsh, nasty critic. But berating myself does not 'fix' the inner disorder. I have done years of self work. I have cycles of time I feel more free of this anxiety. I don't k
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