Keep Going👣

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Today the sky is cloudy...Like my mind.
Changes are happening and I feel overwhelmed and confused and honestly have been terrified to the point I am now numb.
My health is in uproar and limbo as I wait for specialists to decide my treatment for Anal Cancer. Ugh! I hate even the words.
It feels like another Badge I wear that no one sees. If Life awarded badges...well I have my fair share.
I am worn. Tired of battling. There are days I can't find my smile. I am learning to take in the little things. Like watching birds.
I continue to force feed myself through whatever is wrong with my stomach. Still waiting for new gastroenterologist. Pain just takes me down.
Am I depressed? Anxious? Scared? Sad?
It is so long now...be 3 years July..I have it all mixing daily. Today. I feel..full.  A numbness.
Tears won't flow
I am not panicking
I am hardly here.
Night after night I disassociate. An alter stays up! Lack of sleep...understatement.
So vent. This. Blog to you.
No pity. It is about the struggle.
Each of us is unique, and so are our battles.
But sharpen your sword. We don't fight alone unless we chose to.
Not one of is is the same. Our journeys meant to be different. This is how we learn. From each other.
Today. Know this. You can keep going even if standing in one spot for a bit.

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