To Keep Making ANY steps..

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I continuously practice self care. I have been physically unable to meet some goals. This is disheartening.

Like everyone the journey is different, and there is no guide book.

My path today..as in this day right now is
one of trust and fear about suffering.
If it were just one thing..or two..perhaps I would be coping better.

Today I am ill. Still. Again.
My gastric problems continue. I go see a nurse practioner tomorrow (who has been good) to seek more advice and perhaps a referral to another gastroenterologist. Square one. I am so worn.

Next. Pre-cancer to cancer to pre-cancer and wait. Yes. Anal cancer patient...I have pain and I am worried.

Next. Love/hate alters. I am missing lots of time and am exhausted. I catch sleep but not ever enough.
I feel like I am not getting things done. I do...but not what I want and was capabable of.
My mind hears "get busy" , "don't think about it" , "you can do better"...
I do this to myself now. I learned lots of unhealthy things...self talk comes from peers....percieved adults in your life influence selg worth and set standards...wrds like tapes play. I have lots. Lol. 🙃
It is time to drop my own stick of self bashing. It is never easy. It is saying NO
to that talk.

I started to write a daily accomplishment on my Calender. One per day...even if it is the 'POWER OF THE SHOWER".
Even if it is a bed day. Do little. I still put fresh cloths on counts!
Little to big. One wrote down a day. Started tonight. I will try it. It takes a few minutes at most. 'No harm no foul' is my motto about trying new things.
I think it can only be a reminder that I do make it through. And some days are still great. 😊

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