Deep thoughts today

-

Context and meaning.
I have been in contemplation over this life I have.
Deep grooves line my forehead and silver kisses in my hair all show time put in. Earth being.
Mostly land bound.
The years of memory often are blurred. Aging is not stoppable.
Nor would I wish to go backward.
If I left this world today have I lived a tale, fairies and dragons, worth sharing?

Contemplation.

I have been in deep reflective thought about the rest of my life story.
What will be?
I have hope and dreams
Aspirations
Desire to Inspire
Is time on my side?
What can I pull off as my physical health changes?
How will my mental health respond?

Breathe. In 234. Hold 234 Out 234 Pause 234.

The fear of Forward in my life shoes can be gripping.

I am going to leave a mark on this world somehow, some way.
I have scratched it's surfaced and fought hard.
Doing my best along my way.

Deep thoughts and pondering.

I have been mending for days after surgery and now waiting for results. Scared for sure.
(Read about my physical health in other posts)
Warrior, strong and brave...others have said.
I am not feeling it.
I will. I will.
Heal and feel.
Do what I can.

Breathe.

Breathe and rest.
Another day to be all I can Tomorrow.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Being Real

-
There are many challenges in life. We don't get to pick many things we experience. Coming from a background of many abuses and abusers PTSD, anxiety, depression and Disocciative Identity Disorder developed. After many many moons I have done the majority of the trauma work needed to have my system of alters work more congruently. Far from perfect but more managable. I feel as integrated as possible at this time and am now focusing on my physical health and coping. I was diagnosed with Anal Cancer in 2014. It is slow progression and difficult to treat. Many surgeries to try to keep my sphyncter intact. Avoiding radiation and chemo as long as possible. I know it is there. I know it is growing. Time. Who knows what is to come. Another invisible illness that cannot be seen. "You look great" "You are so strong" "You are going to be ok." I know you cannot see my innards twist or my mind spin. I share my story so others know I too understand how it
Read more

#ThisIsWhatAnxietyFeelsLike

-
Heart in your throat. Tears leak. The drop is quick. Racing heart. Gonna be ill. Sweat clad. Terror me. Alone me. For me...add shakes...inside tremors..disassociating with or without flashbacks. These can mimic some seizure like behavior and self harm (ie; scratch self, body bowing backward, breath holding, squeeling....) Fear is powerful. Fear unknown set off worse. Panic is evil. I am learning self care tools. More! In anxiety that grows I often forget how to use them.
Read more

Broken wing

-
Wounded bird One winged You cannot fly Some think Why don't you die.. What use are you.. What can you do.. It healed some yes Still not just right I see you bird We fight a broken fight One winged perhaps A change to life Adapt to cope We do in strife You never know My feathered friend In time we may find A fix to mend ~A.R.*
Read more