The 'No' Word

There are so many things about me and my life I do not share.
Lots I have done my therapy time over and some not.
It is mine. Mine to decide if and when I share.

I can say No. It is something I am learning. I am not unkind for doing what is right for me. It is extremely hard as I am raised on put others before yourself and No was not acceptable.

The next part of that is, No Explanation Required. I always feel I need to justify my No.
Truth is no need to give anyone a reason for your boundary. It is not their business to mind.
It exists and there it is.
No.

Throughout my life I grew 'hangups'.
Many are fear based.
Not all realistic.
These are blocks to doing things. Feeling things. Eating things. Staying certain places.
Too many to list if I broke it down.

Some of these I have gotten ahead with or lapsed again...it is an ongoing process.

When I screw up enough courage to express No I really mean it.

When No needs an explanation and I have none to give, that is now your problem not mine. I do not have to fill an expectation.

I try very hard to not use Promises. I know I have agoraphobic tendancies as well as stimuli anxiety. Good days and not good. I cannot always do what I want/wish I could.

Telling you my background so you get the why is the last thing I want to discuss.

It has to be just No and learn as we go.

Come too close and push too hard and I will shut down. In turn I will not keep allowing it and I will shut you out.

Now if you remember I am plural. DID. Keeping this in mind we as a bunch in one body do not always have the same thoughts, feelings, or agendas.
It isn't just about protecting my boundaries and being comfortable to say no for me..there are 4 more.
We must each have some of that ability to say No.
Another part may be completely offended and give you the boot.
It has happened.
I believe it is for the good of the whole body. I tend to go with it.

No ...probably one of the first words a baby learns. The now hardest to say.