5 Alive

My mind wanders off to dance with fairies of the past. Yeah, deep. That's the feeling that overwhelmes. A depth in heart. Wounded.  That's my tale for today. I lost my step dad/dad/papa/pops, my 'Rock' 6 weeks ago. He was a blissful 87, just short of his 88th birthday.  It was a brutal out/death. He was in a LTC that failed him in so many ways. Things they left undone until too late. I hurt for what I witnessed. Forever it is stuck in mind pictures. I feel I too let him down...yet I can almost hear him..." Now c'mon. You know better." He loved me.  I have a therapist. That helps. The process is different for everyone forr each loss.  I feel like I missed it....I didn't notice he got old. I didn't see the changes until Alzheimers had him.  It felt quick...a year of him being lost. His end came quick after repeated fall. Then infection to stroke thus hospitalized. 2 weeks then returned to his LTC. He was in rapid decline not esting or drinking and no...

I am proud of you for holding on despite life trials. It gets nasty and then a bit better. Always hold hope. Use your little spark of light I send you to create more in yourself. Much love from me.

Support is needed in life for everyone. Alone is not easy nor practical. The saying ' No man is an island." is a life truth that we survive together.  In times of Social Distancing, with a Pandemic, this can be exremely hard. Services and groups have gone virtual or have just gone completely.  The human mind can only tolerate a certain amount of radical changes and restrictions. Many have had their lives greatly impacted. Financially, iob changes or loss, loss of family and friends to the virus, having to move, strains in relationships, and so forth.  As a society we have angst about what life is to come next as the virus continues in waves.  It is now we are in crucial need of mental health care. We need people with new coping skills. Depression, Anxiety and other illnesses on the rise. As is the number of suicides increasing.  As individuals this is a great time to learn to build your support network.  Determine first what you may need. Examples; -Friends...

There are few knowns or facts about when where or why many things happen.  How do we get through? There is not a life handguide.  Who has the answers..who is god? We are each walking our own paths, in our own shoes.  To live. More than exist.  Facing the myriad of what life can pass you.  Those things we aim for. To pass the human trials. From birth and childhood, through adulthood to death the individual finds wisdom. It is through life experiences we use body, mind and spirit. We use our senses. We think and feel.  A series of fortunate and unfortunate events. A rollercoaster. A real ride. Life. Reactions to the world and events we each much figure out our actions for the best for self. Balancing when to speak and when to diffuse. Balance sharing and caring with emptying your own cupboard (mind/heart).  Crazyland It happens Things get "too fast for the slow part".  Meltdowns or all kinds can just break out. Fiasco, catastrophizing mind.  Be...

There are many breathing Techniques/Tools that are used to help calm minds, ease anxiety, create focus, etc.  Breathing  exercises can help you  relax , because they make your body feel like it does when you are already  relaxed . Deep  breathing  is one of the best ways to lower  stress  in the body. This is because when you  breathe  deeply, it sends a message to your brain to calm down and  relax . (uofmhealth.org) A basic tool is slow breaths. Just in and out. In through the nose, out the mouth. Sticking to it til you can maintain a steady, even rhythm.  Square Breathing is like a square. Breathe in through the nose to the count of 4. Hold  to the count of 4. Release out the mouth to the count of 4 then pause to the count of 4. Again. The square.  Deep, even opening the lungs. Working to the solar plexis and diaphram. Relaxing. You can start with a lower count of 3 and work up to a 4. Another technique (webmd) Ho...

I am writing this without the answer but here goes my attempt for the actual real 50 things I am grateful for right in this moment of writing. ( no lists or guides to help....honest! )  1. My  Dog a comfort when he is in the mood...is 6.4 pds ..more of a ewok... 2. Own safe apartment   as safe goes... 3. Can cook   bake, create, stretch budget 4. Keep my area clean   it isn't my ma's but it's good 5. Sew skill    making handsewn comfort bears 6. Can write    Blog, poetry, short stories 7. Can paint   canvas or proper paper varied styles 8. Admire junk 9. Birds 10. Fresh air 11. Sunshine 12. Seeing something cute/heartwarming 13. Seeing something inspiring 14. Real Friends 15. Social media friends and support 16. Green Apples 17. Oatmeal peanut butter cookies 18. The smell of fresh baking bread 19. Flowers  20. Music variety 21. Technology that I am able to navigate 22. Plethatude of learning material..even in pap...

If you've been following along you know we are losing our pa to Alzheimers and our ma has sold our childhood home...things are going super fast.  Lots of triggers.  Lots of sadness.  Lots of fear.  Lots of changes. Adjusting. Accepting. Very hard.  Lots of days feel paralyzing. We find solace in small things. Sit outside and just watch things go by.  Brush our dog. Do our toes up with polish. Listen to music...sometimes with headphones so it drowns all else out.  5 minutes of sewing or drawing or writing. Focus. Call a friend. (Since Ontario is still in lockdown) Call my pa or get my once a week visit.  Talk to my twitter peeps. Sit totally quiet with a cup of tea. A good nap never hurts since I get little night sleep these days. It is very hard to comfort one's self. It is hard to find guidance through obstacles only few understand.  The body is in trauma mode in many ways.   D.I.D. creates disharmony.  Challenges of past rear....