Losing My 'Rocks'

-
A 'Rock' is a person we feel we can absolutely count on. A respected and gracious 'go to' that knows us well.

Someone who understands mental defence mechanism. PTSD with DID and severe anxiety being our prevalent mental illnesses. 


We don't know how to cope with losses. 
Friends leave. People move on. People die. Reality.

A long period of few supports, no life partner, add the losses of our 'Rocks' is devastating to us. 

It is not a want. It is need. Security outside this body. 

The traumas of being abused and abandoned...the childhood that lingers...we have attachment and trust issues. Things, places and people we recognize as SAFE. 

Find within,  many tell us. 

We are 5....5 Alive.

That isn't how it can be..not simple by any stretch. (You can't rationalize with a five year old 'time traveler') #DIDproblems.

We are learning our strengths. We work to find what may become new life rocks. We feel so unsure and vulnerable. 

Just hold on for the unfolding of what may come. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Being Real

-
There are many challenges in life. We don't get to pick many things we experience. Coming from a background of many abuses and abusers PTSD, anxiety, depression and Disocciative Identity Disorder developed. After many many moons I have done the majority of the trauma work needed to have my system of alters work more congruently. Far from perfect but more managable. I feel as integrated as possible at this time and am now focusing on my physical health and coping. I was diagnosed with Anal Cancer in 2014. It is slow progression and difficult to treat. Many surgeries to try to keep my sphyncter intact. Avoiding radiation and chemo as long as possible. I know it is there. I know it is growing. Time. Who knows what is to come. Another invisible illness that cannot be seen. "You look great" "You are so strong" "You are going to be ok." I know you cannot see my innards twist or my mind spin. I share my story so others know I too understand how it...
Read more

#ThisIsWhatAnxietyFeelsLike

-
Heart in your throat. Tears leak. The drop is quick. Racing heart. Gonna be ill. Sweat clad. Terror me. Alone me. For me...add shakes...inside tremors..disassociating with or without flashbacks. These can mimic some seizure like behavior and self harm (ie; scratch self, body bowing backward, breath holding, squeeling....) Fear is powerful. Fear unknown set off worse. Panic is evil. I am learning self care tools. More! In anxiety that grows I often forget how to use them.
Read more

Broken wing

-
Wounded bird One winged You cannot fly Some think Why don't you die.. What use are you.. What can you do.. It healed some yes Still not just right I see you bird We fight a broken fight One winged perhaps A change to life Adapt to cope We do in strife You never know My feathered friend In time we may find A fix to mend ~A.R.*
Read more