The Eve

A New Year. The end of 2021 comes. It is with mixed feelings for myself. Perhaps it was that question from that self help App? What were 5 achievements you accomplished this last year?  I couldn't answer. My mind swirls in the disarray of events this past year. When was it good? I know it has to have had those days and moments.... Fogged by the long days from that May day my sdad, pa, Papa Don fell and went into hospital care.  Painful memories mixed with some blessed moments with him in his last months.  His passing has been almost 4 months now. Hard months for anyone grieving. I have struggled.  Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder is trying on the best of days. When 'we' are working as a 'team' there is more self presence for Me. I don't miss as much time in large chunks.  Grieving as 5. Myself and 'alters' who are not all feeling or remembering the same with sdad history and connection. Though it is that we all had very strong love for him. He


Your hand in mind Weaving life Carried me along Wiped tears Knealt at my bed Ward off my fears Growing girl Under your wing Guided with love Taught me compassion To live with heart I didn't see  Never old to me Time came for you In bits you left I weep Lost

D.I.D Days from Pat

All I do every day is to try my best. That looks different every day. Some days i don’t want to get out of bed, somedays i think everyone else is doing better than me. Or I switch so much I can’t remember what I have done. Some days i eat cookies for breakfast or cereal for tea. Some days I go out, others i sit on the couch doing next to nothing. Somedays I feel unlovable, others i know I am loved. Or I feel like giving up on this whole messy recovery business. Other days i see a beautiful sunset, watch the birds on the birdfeeder, or can concentrate on reading a book. I can look back and see how different I am from a year ago. My best will look different from your best as we are all different. Motto of this crazy little ramble…. Trying our best is good enough. Pat.

Fairies and Dust

My mind wanders off to dance with fairies of the past. Yeah, deep. That's the feeling that overwhelmes. A depth in heart. Wounded.  That's my tale for today. I lost my step dad/dad/papa/pops, my 'Rock' 6 weeks ago. He was a blissful 87, just short of his 88th birthday.  It was a brutal out/death. He was in a LTC that failed him in so many ways. Things they left undone until too late. I hurt for what I witnessed. Forever it is stuck in mind pictures. I feel I too let him down...yet I can almost hear him..." Now c'mon. You know better." He loved me.  I have a therapist. That helps. The process is different for everyone forr each loss.  I feel like I missed it....I didn't notice he got old. I didn't see the changes until Alzheimers had him.  It felt quick...a year of him being lost. His end came quick after repeated fall. Then infection to stroke thus hospitalized. 2 weeks then returned to his LTC. He was in rapid decline not esting or drinking and no

I'm proud of You

I am proud of you for holding on despite life trials. It gets nasty and then a bit better. Always hold hope. Use your little spark of light I send you to create more in yourself. Much love from me.

Create Support Network

Support is needed in life for everyone. Alone is not easy nor practical. The saying ' No man is an island." is a life truth that we survive together.  In times of Social Distancing, with a Pandemic, this can be exremely hard. Services and groups have gone virtual or have just gone completely.  The human mind can only tolerate a certain amount of radical changes and restrictions. Many have had their lives greatly impacted. Financially, iob changes or loss, loss of family and friends to the virus, having to move, strains in relationships, and so forth.  As a society we have angst about what life is to come next as the virus continues in waves.  It is now we are in crucial need of mental health care. We need people with new coping skills. Depression, Anxiety and other illnesses on the rise. As is the number of suicides increasing.  As individuals this is a great time to learn to build your support network.  Determine first what you may need. Examples; -Friends for emotion talk a)

Experiencing Life

There are few knowns or facts about when where or why many things happen.  How do we get through? There is not a life handguide.  Who has the answers..who is god? We are each walking our own paths, in our own shoes.  To live. More than exist.  Facing the myriad of what life can pass you.  Those things we aim for. To pass the human trials. From birth and childhood, through adulthood to death the individual finds wisdom. It is through life experiences we use body, mind and spirit. We use our senses. We think and feel.  A series of fortunate and unfortunate events. A rollercoaster. A real ride. Life. Reactions to the world and events we each much figure out our actions for the best for self. Balancing when to speak and when to diffuse. Balance sharing and caring with emptying your own cupboard (mind/heart).  Crazyland It happens Things get "too fast for the slow part".  Meltdowns or all kinds can just break out. Fiasco, catastrophizing mind.  Beyond speedy and frazzled. That'