Safe people

-

If any one of my alters contacts you feel privileged. They don't expose themselves freely. Only safe people. Almost always it will be Wee. She is truly in 'her time'. 4 going on 5 right now.
They all have secrets even I don't know. They have lived in fear so they don't share their life. "Time travelling".
I am writing this blog with their blessings. How do I know? We communicate on paper, text from me to me. Notes. They each put a check mark yes to talk about them.
They are bright. They are kind...unless you hurt one of us...or if you piss one off. They feel. I don't know what they think or do. I deal with aftermath often. And they delete things so I may not have a clue what is going on.
I was planning to have a cheap holiday.  I don't have money. I save and save and save. I am not able to have a job. I miss time. I have anxiety to panic. This is not a pleasure cruise. But it's My Ride! I make the best of it.
So not safe where I was going to go. New plan.
I know you are either reading this to learn about mental illness like mine, your curious, your my friend/family and some are looky-loos...you do understand or you are trying or maybe you can relate. Anyway you read just know I am me. Big April aka Pami. They let you know who they are if they can. If it's in panic none of us communicate well. It's like a seizure.
I ask you to be kind. They mean no harm. In today...they want only to be loved and give love.
What happened to 'friend' last night they didn't delete.
They wanted to introduce themselves. They thought you were safe. I have a list but sometimes they forget the rules.
So when you said;

"I do not want to hear about your sex things that is private" in text Wee didn't understand. You told her that is a private conversation...
You called the phone. She was excited. We may come visit....

I am perplexed.

Maddy let her talk to you. Maddy was upset and she told you why...

I am ME
We are we.
I cannot change this today
But I won't hide anymore
Roll with it.
Open your mind
Treat me like a mood ring....
I change but I am still me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Beautiful Flaws

-
Far far from perfect.  I am made up of so many characteristics. As we have maneuvered this life we know we are also a collection of flaws. Beautiful flaws as they've made me who I am.  With PTSD and D.I.D,  and just being human I've made mistakes.  I have some limitations.  Anxiety plays on me. I cannot be or do what many people can. It's a difficult path. With that does come the side of compassion and understanding of others. I can be soft and sensitive.  Empathy and kindness have grown with my awareness of these feelings and obstructions.  I can be misinterpreted as being controlling when I am just trying to protect myself with boundaries.  Flaws like shortness and impatience. I know I have these.  I have needs you cannot see or understand.  My needs seem unreasonable to you. It's me. Yes.  My ground feels unstable and I can be pushed to a place where my mind state will alter. I Switch persons inside. You cannot understand unless you've educated yourself about me.
Read more

Home

-
Image
In part the definition being the house, apartment, etc. where you live, especially with your family.  I am a family of one body. My mother is in a Retirement Home across town. My aging siblings have families of their own. They are not close in proximity. And we are not in big contact with each other.  For me I had the home I grew up in. The one from 4 to 21. I was married and made a home. Close to my parents. I could make a safe place. I was there even after my marriage dissolved.  When my house was sold, I went back to my parents.  I had a boyfriend and spent usually a few days a week there. But that didn't last. I was safe at home. As my parents were aging and things were going to change I got an affordable apartment.  I've been here 3 years.  In that time I've lost my uncle, his safe cottage that I could go to, I lost my pops/dad, the family home was sold, and my mother's in a Home.  Too much. I really feel displaced.   I haven't been able to make this apartment
Read more

Create Support Network

-
Support is needed in life for everyone. Alone is not easy nor practical. The saying ' No man is an island." is a life truth that we survive together.  In times of Social Distancing, with a Pandemic, this can be exremely hard. Services and groups have gone virtual or have just gone completely.  The human mind can only tolerate a certain amount of radical changes and restrictions. Many have had their lives greatly impacted. Financially, iob changes or loss, loss of family and friends to the virus, having to move, strains in relationships, and so forth.  As a society we have angst about what life is to come next as the virus continues in waves.  It is now we are in crucial need of mental health care. We need people with new coping skills. Depression, Anxiety and other illnesses on the rise. As is the number of suicides increasing.  As individuals this is a great time to learn to build your support network.  Determine first what you may need. Examples; -Friends for emotion talk a)
Read more