🔒Shamed

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The definition...

The life trauma..verbal abuse of different sorts from reality manipulation to name calling...evil words early age. Sexual abuse by more than one ..marriage 11 years to an addictive person with narcacistic tendancies..total mind melt.
Learning who I am. Mistakes I have made.
I have self esteem issues. Some days I rock.
Some not. I have been in a place of self loathing.
When I was young I had bad words in my head. Raised Catholic..I fel dirty.
Church fainting began
I don't go if I could avoid. Love a god but no mass for me.

I had shame reinforced over years.

The shame today is different. My feelings about morality and self judgement have shifted. I am better at the tools to get above the shame blanket.
When life situations, people, choices change..my environment can take me deep into shame.
I have been physically ill for months. Trapped to a big degree. I have a sense of what is right for me. Lately I am very confused. I feel an inner self war. I want to do this..then No..That...No "I should....". Complicated self. No answers.
Shame surfaces. Negative self talk reinforces. I want out.
Look for solutions. I know the problem.
🤔😔

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