I didn't sleep

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Many nights are difficult. I can't find sleep.
This can be a time for creativity...

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No Sleep

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Keep pushing along. No sleep though. No sleep. I have not been sleeping at night for quite some time. Unless I am away an alter will come out and be up all night. I live in an apartment in my 'growing up' home. There are many triggers as just being 'home' takes me back to lots of memories of all kinds. It would for anyone. A particle set of memories create night fear. Lots has changed since I was here full time last. I left when I got married just before my 22nd birthday. That was 26 years ago now. I have lived here 7 years. The last 6 have been most difficult. As time passes it gets worse. No sleep. I go back to bed after being up early morn. I am sure the body had less than an hour by then. So snooze again for 2. Then I am up but dragging my butt with heavy eyelids. I just want to sleep. I am on a new medication for pain I have been having in my hips and pelvis. Gabapentin. It also has a side effect of drowsiness. Hear hear I say! Awesome. Just let me sleep...
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Whether it be physical or mental health no one chooses to be ill. The status of the illness must be determined by the medical community. Diagnosis may take long and arduous procedures and testing to determine a route of treatment. For some illnesses it may take a long time and a lot of trial and error before finding the right treatment plan. At any time this could change as the illness progresses or if it does not respond. For many with mental illness the stigma associated leaves them in hiding not seeking treatment and therefore suffering alone. In some places some disorders are not understood well or mental illness is not considered a priority and no treatment is available. Striving to survive everyday I look for ways help myself. I have a medical community. I have a therapist. I have a great social worker. Many still do not understand my disorder. Including my local hospital. So if I am suicidal, and because I have disassociative identity disorder, I may be in an altar state seemi...
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