Difficult day

-

Therapy day.
I am very fortunate to have a Psychiatrist that also is an MD. Her forte is PTSD. She sees mostly Military with PTSD.  There are no specialists or groups or really any support for those with dissassocative disorder anywhere close to me, or even in my province. It is frustrating.
Dr. L is really great and I get an hour with her every other week. I also am able to message her whenever I need. She truly cares and is very good.
As you may know...or not...I have struggled lately. I make the best of my good days but I  have been having a lot of panic and little sleep. I have missed more time to alters. I have that new noise in my head. It's a baby crying. It is triggering flashbacks and attacks that mimic seizures.
So I am just really spent. Tired and a bit melancholy (prone to tears and very sensitive). I am also feeling 'raw'. Vulnerable and scared. Makes me irritable at times. I want to cover my head and sleep but I keep pushing.
Today I felt my session was productive but draining. It often is.
Tonight I just shut off my brain and filled it by reading. That and music are great for  distraction.
Now I will pass out. I take medication to help me but it isn't effective to keep Wee down....curious.
So off to bed. Will I wake up missing an eyebrow? Will my furniture be moved? Will the bathroom get cleaned? ???
STAY TUNED

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Being Real

-
There are many challenges in life. We don't get to pick many things we experience. Coming from a background of many abuses and abusers PTSD, anxiety, depression and Disocciative Identity Disorder developed. After many many moons I have done the majority of the trauma work needed to have my system of alters work more congruently. Far from perfect but more managable. I feel as integrated as possible at this time and am now focusing on my physical health and coping. I was diagnosed with Anal Cancer in 2014. It is slow progression and difficult to treat. Many surgeries to try to keep my sphyncter intact. Avoiding radiation and chemo as long as possible. I know it is there. I know it is growing. Time. Who knows what is to come. Another invisible illness that cannot be seen. "You look great" "You are so strong" "You are going to be ok." I know you cannot see my innards twist or my mind spin. I share my story so others know I too understand how it...
Read more

#ThisIsWhatAnxietyFeelsLike

-
Heart in your throat. Tears leak. The drop is quick. Racing heart. Gonna be ill. Sweat clad. Terror me. Alone me. For me...add shakes...inside tremors..disassociating with or without flashbacks. These can mimic some seizure like behavior and self harm (ie; scratch self, body bowing backward, breath holding, squeeling....) Fear is powerful. Fear unknown set off worse. Panic is evil. I am learning self care tools. More! In anxiety that grows I often forget how to use them.
Read more

Broken wing

-
Wounded bird One winged You cannot fly Some think Why don't you die.. What use are you.. What can you do.. It healed some yes Still not just right I see you bird We fight a broken fight One winged perhaps A change to life Adapt to cope We do in strife You never know My feathered friend In time we may find A fix to mend ~A.R.*
Read more