🔒TRIGGER WARNING Sexuality before age 10

By the time I was 8 I had been abused I'm different ways by different people. I had two worlds. The safe house we moved to where we didn't talk about bad stuff and I had a loving mother and siblings. I am the youngest. No one knew what was happening. I never told. The things I knew I kept to myself. Always have. I had trouble even in therapy opening up. I have done a lot of therapy.
By the time I was 8 I could give a blow job. 
Shame was huge. And since I had been forever told that a woman was for cooking and sex by my dad....he had even referred to me as a "shut like my mother" (my mother is far from that!!!)
I was in two incestual relationships by 10. Two different male family members made me feel like their partner. It felt wrong but not. I didn't understand. One I considered to be my "love" . Of course it was distortion of reality. Then I  got traded to someone else for someone else. I felt heartbroken. I was 12. So around that age (after an incident that seems to be when Maddy came) my body seemed to create it's own male protector.  Rogan aka the watcher. Makes sense to think about the whys of when each alter came, when I know what I know now. But I can't explain much else.
I would like my Mom to tell you about Rogan. It flabbergasted me to hear. So I  hope if she reads she will use comment section to write about him.
I am out of steam these days. But keeping my feet dancing along through this wild life.  😏