Hmm

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It has taken many years to accept my body. I learned over time to trust. I  married a gentle man and we had a good life for 11 years.
The problems when they occurred were severe. Gambling is an illness. 3 x and big money.  The worst was the deception and the lies. No more reality. And no, we didn't know the symptoms I was presenting was alters. We called it severe panic...as MY clear memories are different I didn't know all the different incidents. And I wasn't properly diagnosed until after I was divorced. He probably still doesn't know. Lol.
The alters keep the secrets.
Every now and then a memory :gets loose"....that is NOT fun. Can be a setback . Takes flashbacks over and over and talking and asking get questions of who I can to try to  make sense of it.
Note: For me flashbacks will cycle and I  don't remember after. But over time the pain that comes can be tough to break through.  And a flashback often becomes a black spot for me. They also come with smell and sound sooo shitty. Sorry, but it is.
Don't ask about my siblings. We don't talk about it. The elephant is still very much under the carpet. I  know what happened when we were together with him for times. Whether two youngest or if all of us went. No one talks. And I am ok with that other than I would like some confirmations. I know what I know and I I have to work on me.
If I  talk about anyone specific they won't be named or have an alias.
I mean to hurt no one but stuff has to come out of me.  I am FULL. Lol.

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