Stress

-

Too many nights of not much sleep had me done today. I missed some time as alters came concerned about what's upset Pami. (Pami is how they refer to me)
Stess doesn't help. Life can be frustrating when I  can't get to do what I want or need to because my body is having anxiety and flashback episodes.
Everyday is a new day.
Tomorrow I hope for some beach time with family.  Cross your fingers it's a fantastic day for me. I just never know so it makes it next to impossible to make any firm plans.
I keep working at it. Years ago, after separating from my husband, I had c-difficile  (a bacteria in your intestinal track, bowels) for 11 months.Was very close to not making it through that. I survived but it left me agoraphobic for awhile. Couldn't leave my house. It has been a real struggle since. Harder than it already was.
So. I  have hope and will. Toes crossed!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Being Real

-
There are many challenges in life. We don't get to pick many things we experience. Coming from a background of many abuses and abusers PTSD, anxiety, depression and Disocciative Identity Disorder developed. After many many moons I have done the majority of the trauma work needed to have my system of alters work more congruently. Far from perfect but more managable. I feel as integrated as possible at this time and am now focusing on my physical health and coping. I was diagnosed with Anal Cancer in 2014. It is slow progression and difficult to treat. Many surgeries to try to keep my sphyncter intact. Avoiding radiation and chemo as long as possible. I know it is there. I know it is growing. Time. Who knows what is to come. Another invisible illness that cannot be seen. "You look great" "You are so strong" "You are going to be ok." I know you cannot see my innards twist or my mind spin. I share my story so others know I too understand how it...
Read more

#ThisIsWhatAnxietyFeelsLike

-
Heart in your throat. Tears leak. The drop is quick. Racing heart. Gonna be ill. Sweat clad. Terror me. Alone me. For me...add shakes...inside tremors..disassociating with or without flashbacks. These can mimic some seizure like behavior and self harm (ie; scratch self, body bowing backward, breath holding, squeeling....) Fear is powerful. Fear unknown set off worse. Panic is evil. I am learning self care tools. More! In anxiety that grows I often forget how to use them.
Read more

Broken wing

-
Wounded bird One winged You cannot fly Some think Why don't you die.. What use are you.. What can you do.. It healed some yes Still not just right I see you bird We fight a broken fight One winged perhaps A change to life Adapt to cope We do in strife You never know My feathered friend In time we may find A fix to mend ~A.R.*
Read more